Thursday, October 26, 2006


A little light relief?

The Fiver doesn't spend all its evenings at the Ivy, Le Caprice or Nobu ferreting around in bins. Last night, for example, we had even less fun, sitting at home listening to Chesterfield v West Ham on the radio. With 15 minutes gone, the Hammers one goal up and Chesterfield apparently playing them off the park, we logged on to our interweb betting account, went to stick a tenner on the Spirites at 25-1 in running, and then remembered that gambling's a mug's game and decided not to instead.

But according to today's Lahn's Lahn Ehn'n Stannah, we weren't the only ones to turn the air blue when West Ham rolled over and lost their eighth match in a row. Chairman Terrence Brown is reported to have chucked the mother of all post-match wobblies, telling his players he'd wasted GBP16,000 on their overnight stay at a hotel and would have been better off bringing a pub team. And so intrigued was the Fiver by this revelation, that today we rang a nice man at the Chesterfield & Bolsover Tourism Information Centre to ask if he knew where the Hammers had stayed. "I'd imagine it must have been the Chesterfield Hotel, I can give you their number if you want," he said.

But with our token nod to actual journalism completed and some Alan Pardew quotes to crowbar into the last remaining paragraph, we declined his kind offer. "I'm getting to the level where I'm looking at individual players and wondering why they're putting in these kind of performances," sighed the Hammers gaffer. "I'm aghast for our fans because they've given us the benefit of the doubt and have been so supportive towards us." Quite how long that support will last, given that the Hammers don't have England's most patient fans, isn't clear. But whether Pardew is sacked or not, chances are he'll be bringing a team to Chesterfield again before too long. And when he does, the Fiver can recommend the Suncroft Farm Camping And Caravan Park, which boasts 16 pitches - one each for 11 underperforming footballers and five subs.

From The Guardian Online

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