Monday, November 07, 2005
Stick Your Blue Flag up Your Arse
On the day that the cunts from the bridge finally got beaten I thought a moral dilemma question might be in order....
Here's the scenario...it's the last day of the season and Chelsea lead Wigan by 2 points going into the last round of fixtures. 3rd placed Sunderland are 12 points adrift despite winning their last 12 games on the spin. West Ham are confirmed 6th in the premiership being 4 points in front of 7th placed Spurs and 4 points behind 5th placed Man City.
Half time score comes through from Stamford Bridge that Chelsea are losing 7-0 to already relegated Birmingham and have had Lampard,Cole and the on his way back to Upton Park for a fiver Glen Johnson all sent off. Birmingham are playing like men possessed in honour of Steve Bruce who was found dead in his flat with an exploded stomach and globs of fat dripping from the ceiling like janolan caves stalagmites. On the floor beside him sits a single empty wrapper from a wafer thin after-dinner mint. On the terraces the Zula Army have completely humiliated the Head-Hunters stomping more heads than the recently crowned world whack-a-mole champion Stuart Slater.
West Ham & Wigan are locked at 0-0 as Marlon tries to break a 34 game drought while Zamora sits unused on the bench for the 32nd consecutive game.
What do you want to happen in the 2nd half at Upton Park?
Here's the scenario...it's the last day of the season and Chelsea lead Wigan by 2 points going into the last round of fixtures. 3rd placed Sunderland are 12 points adrift despite winning their last 12 games on the spin. West Ham are confirmed 6th in the premiership being 4 points in front of 7th placed Spurs and 4 points behind 5th placed Man City.
Half time score comes through from Stamford Bridge that Chelsea are losing 7-0 to already relegated Birmingham and have had Lampard,Cole and the on his way back to Upton Park for a fiver Glen Johnson all sent off. Birmingham are playing like men possessed in honour of Steve Bruce who was found dead in his flat with an exploded stomach and globs of fat dripping from the ceiling like janolan caves stalagmites. On the floor beside him sits a single empty wrapper from a wafer thin after-dinner mint. On the terraces the Zula Army have completely humiliated the Head-Hunters stomping more heads than the recently crowned world whack-a-mole champion Stuart Slater.
West Ham & Wigan are locked at 0-0 as Marlon tries to break a 34 game drought while Zamora sits unused on the bench for the 32nd consecutive game.
What do you want to happen in the 2nd half at Upton Park?
Posted by norven munky at 10:51 am
whubris said...
The tie remains locked until 4 minutes into extra time.
Tomas Repka, having freshly come back from scoring four goals against Chelsea in the penultimate game of the season to ensure that the title goes down to the last day, back-heels the ball to Elliot Ward in West Ham's 6-yard box. Ward passes the ball to Konchy, who takes it up and passes to Matty Etherington on the wing. Matty, who has had drug charges dropped by the FA because they realised that the drugs he was taking were actually tranquilisers, takes the ball and zips past 3 defenders with his newfound energy, lays the ball off to an onrushing Yossi Benayoun who bamboozles the last defender and wins a penalty from the onrushing goalkeeper.
Pardew chooses this moment to make a substitution and puts on Zamora for Shaun Newton (who has been playing brilliantly and is the club's top scorer). Harewood takes the penalty and it rebounds off the post, off the top of the diving goalkeeper's head, onto the bar and out. Anton Ferdinand juggles the ball twice on his thigh before flicking it to Zamora, who rockets it into the top corner with a spectacular bicycle kick.
The referee, who is from Ipswich, mistakenly records the goal for the wrong team in his notebook and awards it to Wigan, handing them the match and the title. West Ham celebrate as though they won the World Cup again (which is looking likely as 6 of their players were called up to the squad).
As the news travels through to Stamford Bridge, Jose Mourinho is so shocked at losing the title at the last moment that his head, which has now expanded to the size of a beach ball, suddenly deflates and he is left with a head the size and shape of a dried prune.
Wigan consider putting in a formal protest before realising that it would be a stupid idea.
Days later, Sunderland are docked 15 points for fielding an unregistered player (Mick McCarthy against Bolton at home, when he finally decided just to "feckin' just do it all meself, now") putting West Ham in 5th place and in a Champions League qualifying slot (now that the CL has 5 spots for England after the Liverpool/Everton debacle).
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whubris said...The tie remains locked until 4 minutes into extra time.
Tomas Repka, having freshly come back from scoring four goals against Chelsea in the penultimate game of the season to ensure that the title goes down to the last day, back-heels the ball to Elliot Ward in West Ham's 6-yard box. Ward passes the ball to Konchy, who takes it up and passes to Matty Etherington on the wing. Matty, who has had drug charges dropped by the FA because they realised that the drugs he was taking were actually tranquilisers, takes the ball and zips past 3 defenders with his newfound energy, lays the ball off to an onrushing Yossi Benayoun who bamboozles the last defender and wins a penalty from the onrushing goalkeeper.
Pardew chooses this moment to make a substitution and puts on Zamora for Shaun Newton (who has been playing brilliantly and is the club's top scorer). Harewood takes the penalty and it rebounds off the post, off the top of the diving goalkeeper's head, onto the bar and out. Anton Ferdinand juggles the ball twice on his thigh before flicking it to Zamora, who rockets it into the top corner with a spectacular bicycle kick.
The referee, who is from Ipswich, mistakenly records the goal for the wrong team in his notebook and awards it to Wigan, handing them the match and the title. West Ham celebrate as though they won the World Cup again (which is looking likely as 6 of their players were called up to the squad).
As the news travels through to Stamford Bridge, Jose Mourinho is so shocked at losing the title at the last moment that his head, which has now expanded to the size of a beach ball, suddenly deflates and he is left with a head the size and shape of a dried prune.
Wigan consider putting in a formal protest before realising that it would be a stupid idea.
Days later, Sunderland are docked 15 points for fielding an unregistered player (Mick McCarthy against Bolton at home, when he finally decided just to "feckin' just do it all meself, now") putting West Ham in 5th place and in a Champions League qualifying slot (now that the CL has 5 spots for England after the Liverpool/Everton debacle).
